dear T, I'm afraid you will see the peace in me and wonder... don't ask, but please ask. I'm so conflicted and unsure right now. I'm sorry I am this way. I'm sorry I am so difficult and stubborn and annoying and unchanging. I know I should know better, but I just don't change. I really fear the change, because it's ****ing scary. I know I need it, but I would just as soon go down with the ship. Please know I don't mean to be so all over the place and so seemingly manipulative. I really don't mean it that way. I don't know how to say some things, so they come out wrong...
also, please answer my question about when you are leaving, because I really need to know that...