I stopped buying into the commercialism while all my kids were still at home. The physical and monetary drain was too much! The rush that commercialism puts on Christmas angers me the older I get. I've always pretty much lived my life just for today. The stores won't allow you to do that!

There's one woman here in the park that puts out her Christmas decorations out right after Halloween. I asked her why the other day. She said that she wants to capture the goodwill and that spirit of the season as soon as she can and extend it for as long as she can. Maybe that's what I'm missing.

Thanksgiving, for me, has always been a main holiday. As I was growing up, it was the time for extended family to get together. It was that way when my kids were growing up. Now they've all chosen either to not celebrate Thanksgiving in the traditional way or to celebrate it with the in-laws.

For years, I've been one, single person, but no one thinks of adding me to their group. I've mentioned it but no results. I don't know why. I'm not a drunk, I don't get belligerent, don't tell the daughters-in-law how to do their thing. I pretty much stay with the kids and turn into one of them. If I'm asked to help, I do what I can.

Christmas, my family; my husband, I and kids stayed at home. My mom was the only one that came over. Now, the only one that comes over is my oldest son... on Christmas afternoon, after everybody is burned out and the mood is over. This may sound *****y, but I've spent Christmas Eve and Christmas morning alone. No excitement, no church service, no nothing. They come over still full from their Christmas lunch so I don't cook anymore. Just have a few of the baked goods that we used to have when the kids were growing up. If I'm lucky, Jerry has stayed in a stable mood... most likely NOT.

For the last couple of years, since I've had my power chair, I've wanted to go cruise the mall, see the decorations, etc. Nope! It's too much of a hassle to put the trailer on the back of the RV and load the power chair, find two parking spaces, (because he can't put a hitch on his chick car, a Miata!!) and then unload the chair. All he's got to do to load and unload is DRIVE the damn chair!

One year, I skipped Christmas here in town. I went to San Francisco to spend it with a good friend there. I would do it again, but he went and died on me!

I don't know... I've got to find SOMETHING different to do around the holidays. This depression STINKS!!