I went to the clinic because my family pretty much begged me to go. I've had times where I literally didn't want to be here anymore. Acted on it a couple of times. Each time failed thank god. Feelings of pretty much inferiority to the rest of the world and that I really didn't matter. I'd become extremely lazy. Back when I was working I'd have to force myself to go in or I'd just call in sick brcause I didn't want to deal with it. Then there was times of getting almost no sleep at all or minimal hours. I'd do great at my job ontop of the ball then it was what else could I do while doing my job and tried to start taking on 3-4 tasks all at once I'd get more irritated and times where I REALLY wanted to hurt my boss or just scream and yell at the people I worked with at random times but I always tried to rationalize why I was upset and would always surmise that it was something they were doing or did. I was engaged and broke things off because we would fight alot. I admit there were times I would break up with her and start dating other people and she said it was like a light switch I'd break up with them and come back to her with no reasonable explanation of why I did what I did. But we got into several arguements and finally I had enough of it and told myself she wasn't wanting kids, she wanted to live in a big city, and numerous other thins. Only problem is was that I didn't know she wanted the complete opposite. But she still talks to me and helps me out. I'd do kind of strange things. Example A while on zoloft had a violent flip out. I quit my job to move in with a girl. I had no other job lined up, didn't tell my family or anyone else, and knew this girl for literally maybe a week. I honestly believed that we would be happy together and all of that. just multiple thins my mom has also said reminded her of things that wouldn't be in a "normal" persons' everyday life. Plus the suicide attempts I'd feel bad once my family found out about them. Lol which didn't help with feeling better. But no I figured I'd have to be put on medication. Like bipolar runs on my dads side of the family. 3 of his.siblings have/had it (some have passed away) and my grandpa also had it. It's also a bit upsetting once you hear the other persons side if what happened compared to how you remember it. If you can remember it. A few times I thought stories were being mad up just to make me feel like I was loopy.