Quote:
Originally Posted by blur
i think if you just allow yourself to deal with your grief fully over losing your mom you will be able to move forward in life and not have all these T fantasies. because your mom didn't really let you separate (individuate) as a child you have had an extremely difficult time accepting her death. you have mentioned that you think there was some unmet need your mom didn't provide for. i think it is the opposite in that your mom gave you too much attention and didn't allow you to separate. i don't think there was an unmet need other than individuation. i think maybe your angst is like a double loss because of that lack of individuation.  |
This rings true, blur. My Mom did not let me separate though I did a good job during college. At separating, I mean. She wasn't selfish, though, or narcististic. Not that you're saying that. She just loved me very much and didn't let me go out on my own. I agree. It's very sad that she died so young; she so much wanted to see her grandchild go to school. I wish she had known her other grandchildren. I wish she had known my daughter. I don't know what it is to grieve fully. My T had me make the collage, and talk about her, and I cried when I wrote my letter on Mother's Day. I don't know what more I can do. I'll ask my T.
Quote:
Originally Posted by monalisasmile
Rainbow
My heart goes out to you. You are in such pain and turmoil at the moment aren't you?
I feel you are punishing yourself for feeling something that is totally natural. I hope you can learn to accept this part of you. I know your t does and your family. Loving your t is not a crime, it's expected, they are one of the few people in our lives who will accept us for who we truly are, they will not judge us and do their best to support us. Naturally losing this relationship will cause you terrible pain that will bring out this feeling that we are losing something that we can't lose, something that is precious and sacred. I think this screaming is primal and it is a part of your ID, Freuds states. The ID is our child state, the one with the primal needs, the part of us that throws tantrums because we want something now.
Don't be ashamed of this I would like to connect with my ID |
Thank you, mls. I'm not ashamed of the screaming and the love for my T. Well, maybe I'm a little ashamed of it. I am accepting my feelings, but I need to do more so that I can leave my T when I have to. It's more than just losing the T relationship. I think blur is right. It's terror and rage about my Mom, probably all mixed up because she was so close to me. Yet in some ways, she wasn't close to me. It's complicated. It's not just this T; it's most of them. I am going to try to work it out with my T, and do the SE that she says will help me.