V, I don't think you're a bad guy. I think the symptoms you've described suggest the relationshp is in trouble...or over. That thing about not wanting to be next to you in line...getting all ratcheted, of all things told me there was something seriously wrong. I can only relate to that from personal experience, and if I didn't want my love next to me in lline for ANYTHING, I'd have to say I didn't love him or even LIKE him. Much less, your disclosure that you have not been intimate for a very long time...three months!
I say let it go....move on!
Patty