rain, i don't think your mom was selfish at all but she was probably very overprotective, possibly because of your being in an incubator. at the time you did kind of make a big deal of it when i responded to that comment of yours about staying in T forever would be like your mom never died. you sent me a long PM about it and commented that i was the only one to pick up on that sentence of yours in a thread that had gone on for many pages. it seemed quite significant to you at the time.

i think the fact that you say you have not cried much about your mom's death is very telling. considering how close you were to your mom that sounds very unusual. i think it is the emotional grieving you still need to do over her death. talking is good but feeling the painful feelings is the bigger part for most of us when it comes to grieving. you have also said many times how afraid you are of your T dying when she travels. while i agree that being in an incubator could have something to do with your angst a thread that keeps coming up in your therapy is death which points back to the death of your mom.

your T can probably help you access your emotions about your mom's loss. i would think part of grieving is probably dealing with what the transference triggers in you when it happens, like when your T goes on trips and you fear her dying, rather than focusing so much on your T. focusing on your T seems to be another big distraction for you. i do think you are starting to get better at refocusing the triggers back onto your own life.