Hi Bambina35,

I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder when I was 23 and I understand where you are coming from being a young person. I also did not want to admit I had bipolar disorder, even going to the point of getting SEVERAL second opinions. Finally, I "accepted" what I deal with. It was not easy to do, but it was important for my health. All the time I denied what I dealt with, it was hurting me more. I cannot tell you that you have bipolar disorder as I am not a doctor, but I can tell you that if you believe that you do, you need to take the appropriate actions as soon as possible. I understand you don't want to lose the person you see yourself as, but leaving bipolar disorder untreated can be something a person regrets. Bipolar disorder does not have to take away your dreams or ruin your life. While it is true that life may not be the same as it was before, if you are able to accept yourself and find the correct support (ie appropriate meds, a good and caring doc, and family/friends who truly care about you) you can enjoy your life with bipolar disorder. Remember that there are millions of people out there who are dealing with bipolar disorder and that those of us who handle it best take it one day at a time. I really wish the best for you and know that there is a lot of good information both on this website and the internet. Yes you may have bipolar, but you are still 21 and this in no way caps the life you can have. Be a young person. Enjoy being you. Laugh, play, smile, and dance. If you are a theatre major, still put your all into that. Just know what you deal with, learn how it affects you and you will discover who you are. You said that you might not like you, but on the other hand, you might just love the person you become. Best regards.