I have read up on the symptoms of Schizoaffective disorder recently and am worried i may have something similar to this illness. Some of the symptoms match perfectly (such as delusions, depression, anxiety, poor motivation, extreme manic behavior, psychotic tendencies, the list goes on) yet there is criteria that does not fit me at all, mainly disordered thinking or speech, and hallucinations or "voices" others cannot hear. I have previously been diagnosed with severe depression (since age 14) and have been on Cipralex ever since but nothing was ever tested more in the areas of psychotic behavior. I have already tried talking to various people about this topic but I always get brushed off and treated as a joke upon trying to express this matter. I'm not quite sure how to explain my more detailed reasons for why I'm sure I have an illness similar to this. I have always sheltered myself from social life, since pre-elementary due to severe bullying. When I look upon my fellow "classmates" I feel as if I'm looking down on them, or observing them through a window of thought they cannot understand or breach. People mock and judge me constantly in the hallways and the only way my mind reacts to this are devious plans of pity, or even torture. I constantly am met with problems even trying to communicate with others in my grade (I have recently turned 17, entering my final year of High school next September.) I have an extremely short temper and have a very hard time maintaining friendships with people without scaring them away. I think about my life in all different perspectives but have recently found myself to be understanding the universe around me in a slightly more complex, diverse way. My biggest pet peeve is someone walking behind me, following me or watching me from afar, which results in an unnerving anxiety in which I need to be suffocated from all social interactions momentarily. I have attempted suicide multiple times which have resulted in emergency room visits, and I scold, cut, scratch, and jab myself with sharp objects (pins, needles) every other day due to bad habit. I find my emotions extraordinarily changing within the span of 1-2 minutes from being very happy, to severely depressed and sometimes suicidal. I often plot ways of harming/killing the people around me, I have simply no remorse for the people who judge me.

All I'm asking is if anybody knows what mental illness i may have, if any, and thank you for reading otherwise.
-Lillie