I watched the United states of Tara the other day. I can't stop thinking about how they left with her going to some hospital to get help for her DID. what bothers me and i think the reason for the obsession is that she can get better because she has the finances to go inpatient to a DID treatment facility and I do not.
I am so tired of just living and existing. i want it all to just stop I mean existing. waking up and breathing and doing everyday stuff. I'm tired of having to deal with the present and worry about the future. I am jealous and mad at all the people around me that are old and that have died because they are almost done with their lives (even though they are not happy about the whole idea of being almost done). I'm jealous of the people that have died because they don't have to deal with this world and think about and worry about the future any longer. I hate seeing people that have things (husband- job- nice home and family) while i literally have nothing. I know feel good and think about what you do have and don't worry about the future stay in the present. I don't like being in the presencpuldt either. I am working on changeing itd but it is taking so long... and things may not work out the way i hope.