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Anonymous100110
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Default Jun 15, 2013 at 06:32 AM
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Freewilled View Post

Currently, I am waiting for the bottom to drop out with my current T. He seems to have a better grasp on transference, my attachment issues and how abandonment plays into my thinking/behavior - but it still always happens and I expect him to leave me. Maybe the expectation causes the other to leave? Is it a self-fulfilling prophecy? Even so, it's not something I can just stop doing it's sort of ingrained in me, at least for now.
Interesting questions. My husband has very severe attachment issues (actually very delusional at times which is frightening). Fortunately our T (and me also) has great patience and skill with his insecurities, but it IS very trying. I have been with my husband for 27 years now, and he still goes through periods of being hypercritical, suspicious, jealous, afraid I'm going to leave him, etc. And it does wear a person down. I'm just a lay-person without the training a T would have, but I can fully understand how being constantly doubted, criticized, clung to, and expected to fill the person up (often wavering between all of these) can wear a person down. I can see how a T without a very firm grasp of his/her own self and boundaries could easily reach the end of their tether. We would like a T to be able to deal with that, but I suspect they are not all equipped to do so.

I've stayed with my husband because of my deep personal commitment to him and our marriage. I certainly didn't enter into this relationship a) expecting in any way that my husband's attachment problems even existed much less that they would be this severe, and b) knowing how personally draining his attachment issues would be on me. But I have a personal and spiritual commitment that has kept me patiently by his side.

A therapist, I suspect, can go through a similar experience, and while they hopefully have the professional training to handle attachment problems with their clients (though I'm convinced not all of them do), they don't have the truly personal, familial connection and commitment that grants them infinite patience. They have a professional "out" called termination if they feel their ability to help has been exhausted and /or their professional and personal resources have been drained.

Attachment issues are difficult from both ends of the equation.
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