I know exactly what you're feeling.

I've, personally, kept all of the bad stuff locked away forever. I was hurt. I accepted that fact in May. I don't trust anyone, myself most of all.

All I know is, that if I don't do something to alter the course I'm taking, I will certainly stay the way I am, and my life is unraveling in slow motion. So, I allowed myself a little hope, which I think is maybe dumb but...

At least I'm still trying. All you can do is put yourself out there, honestly, to someone safe, that has your best interest at heart, and try.