There are no bad ways of coping, just ways that do not work very well for us anymore. Identifying the situations that cause us to go into such coping behavior is hard! But we have to know what the actual problem is (not just the response) before we can work on it. It takes a long time to identify the problem, then we have to look at all sides of it and see how we want to work with it and then we have to both dismantle the old habits we have of working with that problem and solve the problem and/or figure out better ways of dealing with it now. All of that can take a lot of time and effort.

We don't get through school the first year or even two, but it takes us 12 years. Learning good life skills takes a similar amount of time and if we did not have good teachers in our parents when we were growing up, that just makes the learning more difficult because we have adult things we are doing (making a living, raising a family, etc.) at the same time; it's like going to full-time night school while we work during the day. There's nothing wrong with you, you just have a very difficult task in helping yourself at this time.