Forget about the idea that you're crazy, please. You are not. You have a mood disorder that is treatable. And you do not have an intellectual disorder. As you age and continue to take medications, the illness seems to mellow for some of us, and life is much more relaxed and calm than I ever thought it could be at my age.

Along the way, try to grow spiritually--not religiously--spiritually. That is a very large
part of feeling tone and guiding us in the right direction.

Please don't define yourself by your illness. You happen to have an inconvenience,
not a death trap. Your life is going to be what you make it (along with some help from
above), so try to enjoy as much as you can, and, wisely, stay away from triggers...
and they can be anything from a barking dog to crowds of rowdy or negative people.
Negativity: that's a big trigger for me.

I would guess that you probably have some artistic ability. If you do, that creative
drive is going to demand attention. Give part of yourself to that and enjoy it.

Take care.