i dreamt about si the other day... that triggered everything and i couldn't hold back

had a volunteer session today... anhedonia didn't creep up on me (as it usually would). i truly felt a part of it... but why is it now i feel so empty? i feel so.. down... it's always like this. for a moment of contentment, you'll have many moments of darkness before you get that contentment. i feel like giving up. i'm so lost. what do i really want?

i want to see T but i can't see her... been 3 weeks since i last saw her and i need to wait for another 2 weeks. this is really taking a toll on me. *sigh*