well I understand too now you made me read it again too.

there are lines in life that are there every day to cross them or not to make others watch us cross them because they were on the other side?

you helped me arrive at my original topic.

it's no wonder I have nightmares and unfinished business even with the dead when it might have been me!

mental illness is complete with me I certainly am bipolar and borderline!
there is no advantage anymore in owning the disability without personal intervention!

I have exhausted all my evident insecurities regardless of this mental dis-figurement!...I have been hostage to my own poor development...

I have been captive and captivated by the frivolous opportunities of the feeble minded self indulgent self pitied fool ...

this last will not bide well I expect and neither does it with me I am compelled to arrive elsewhere because the only alternative is death!

...and if I am even slightly unimpressed with myself?...then the sensitivity to my confidence can cost me my life...

so it's a very delicate thing to even consider being honest...

and the only thing that's worse than telling lies??

is not knowing what the FUK?...the truth is?

and that's what it's like most of the time for me