That must be hard to hear, but so much better to deal with the truth than live pretending. You deserve something real. My advice would be to make yourself come first here. If you are hurting, then you need to make a change. Relying on her to make you happy is not working. You don't trust her right now, so don't place your heart in her hands. Initiate a break and have faith that if this was meant to be, it will come back together. If it was not, then it is better for you to deal with this, heal, and free yourself to find a new mutual love than continue to live in this pain