This past week has been TOUGH! All of my family in the area, and a few that traveled from out of town, are renting beach houses at a nearby beach for a week of family fun. I couldn't go for multiple reasons: I'm paranoid, suicidal, have scars all over one leg so no bathing suit without questions; having bad back and neck pain from walking for a few minutes. So I didn't go, but damn did I feel ****ing jealous. But I didn't want to go. And I didn't want to go because I wasn't supposed to go while I was working for my dad. I was supposed to "man" the office. I feel like it's part of my punishment to not go on vacation with my family. And I feel that they don't really want me there anyways. They offer, but it's this half assed passing comment. Not like, please, please please please I want you here! None of that.

I'm just having a difficult time. I skipped my therapist because I just didn't care. I don't care about much now. I'm traveling in dangerous territory.