I think it is healthy that you are not pining to be in a relationship. I wasted a great amount of my time in my teens and early 20's dating guys who were not right for me, even when I knew it because I wanted a relationship so badly. This got me hurt and I hurt guys when I broke up with them and took away time I could have used for more valuable pursuits! That being said, I think your recognizing your social anxiety and negative thoughts about yourself are worth exploring. Saying you feel too awkward to be in a relationship is concerning. Socially awkward people can have relationships! What does socially awkward mean exactly? Are you too shy to get to know some one romantically? Many people are uncomfortable being romantic with people they just met. I don't mean sex when I say romantic. I mean dating and pursuing romance with someone new can be very awkward while some people are naturally flirty and find it exciting. I would focus on developing friendships with potential partners and if a common crush develops, be open to giving it a try.