To explain with an xckd cartoon... sometimes I feel a little like..



What I mean to say, I guess is that I have, I'm pretty sure, Autism and ADD. I'm not sure precisely how autism works, but I think maybe just idiosyncraticness... like normal but with a bit of quirkiness or uniqueness?

The ADD part of me, when I try to concentrate harder on something, it gets harder to concentrate. When I'm trying to figure out stuff, then my mind can be very busy; Full and wandering thoughts (although not too fast like bipolar.)

To calm stuff down or get centered I can try and stop thinking about things, like mindfulness, and then I try to start at the beginning. I'm frequently thinking of something mathematical or system oriented so I might start with a thought of a number.

With me so far? (and I'm sorry for rambling)

Lately though, since all of this new assessment for therapy, I've not been able to concentrate on much except for issues surrounding my therapy: the conversations that might be had, worries, concerns, things that I should say, things I can't say... etc etc

The assessment brought up some pretty dark memories that I'd prefer not to remember. I know that I can't bring them up in therapy. At least not until I trust the process, but they remain there.

The way they come up for me, is when I try and center myself after getting a bit lost in an inattentive daydream or wandering thoughts, I'll have the traumatic memory, except not 'feel' terrible... just be aware of it. A "reset" is what I've termed it. It's the same as I might have done before, except a little worrying and less resolvable.

So does any of this make sense or do you think its a 1psychotic episode?

1 (or I was going to use the term "cray-cray" to make light of this oddity, but I don't want to cause offense to anyone suffering with anything like that)