This is true. I guess I just want to feel more like myself. I honestly, honestly feel like I don't even know who I am anymore. I feel like, since I went inpatient right around this past Thanksgiving up to now, I've become a person I don't recognize. Anxious all the time, quiet, shut down, unmotivated, sluggish, no drive to do anything, unadventurous, afraid, almost unfriendly, little to no appetite both for life (and for actual food, ha)...these are all opposite of the person I was just 7 or 8 short months ago. And I don't know what happened. I've been classified as mentally ill since I was a teenager, been depressed and anxious, had BPD. So what is different now?? Why am I suddenly so much worse? I can't think of anything that triggered it, necessarily. The only thing different is that I'm on a new medication since I was inpatient. I can't believe that the med is causing this but could it be? I have no idea. Or maybe I just fell apart. Who knows.

All I know is I can't live like this forever. When I say I want to be normal, I mean that I want to be my normal self. I miss myself.