I was talking to my T this week about how I feel as if there is no reason to feel good about myself when I am not in T or when we have a break. T asked me if I feel that everything between us is lost when I do not see her? I replied yes!

She then said would it help if I knew she held me in regard when I am not there? I was to embarrassed to answer, but yes it would help.

Why is it that we need someone else to hold us in regard and that we/I cannot find this healthy self love? I feel that something is missing most times, and t asked me what I thought that something was? I think now I realise it is love.

I do not love myself. I seem to have internalised my whole dysfunctional upbringing and still it plays out inside. Any tips on how to start to dare to develop this self love and self trust? As I fear myself most days as I am unpredictable.