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Originally Posted by Mapleton
I think I would trade so much for the abillity to communicate more 'normally' whatever that is, where people recognized that I was more like them than not.
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Do I know this feeling! I always get that people think I'm weird and while I'm not unlikable, I think my differences ostracize me from close relationships.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mapleton
I sit with my OCD refreshing, hoping that someone... anyone could see this struggle and pain. Every failure is magnified a million times. I know it's a little selfish. Im sorry. I can't help it.
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I'm so glad I'm not the only one and don't you just hate how something so little can carry so much weight. And you sit there thinking "please reply, please anyone?..."
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mapleton
Thats why therapy is so scary a concept; what if I this happens the same way in therapy? What if I'm rejected there the same way. What if I'm abandoned? Will I be an annoying space in a calendar with a day and a date, and a frowning doodle drawn beside? What if I don't get to see someone often enough to feel like The neuroses don't build up?
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One of my biggest fears is that I'll get too needy in T. That I will be "that" client and that my appointments will be dreaded. Then what? I start to rely on my T and then she's not there when I need her. So then what? I would have been better off never expecting/hoping for the support.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mapleton
I don't want to be a 'special' person, just that I can find a way to be valued, recognized and simply put, 'human', rather than this exhausting effort to be one.
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You are not alone.