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mylifeart · Jun 16, 2013, 01:41 PM

I just do not know what to do with my time anymore.. I mean I try all the usefull things like, spending time with the kids/focusing on just being a mom.. I exercise, I clean my house, I get out and spend time with my family (mom,dad, brothers and sister)... things I have learned n therapy.. well I find myself really depressed.. and I just found out my husband is going to be in jail for 3 more months because he got pvd for leaving the state to go to a really expensive rehab to finally change his life around. he already has been gone for 4mths now 3 more mths. this is giving me time to bond with my therapist and work on myself, but I feel really lonely, and feeling like therapy is all I have..no feelings for my therapist, she is just there... but for some reason i feel like if i don't have "therapy" i cannot survive... nothing to do with my therapist i mean i would take another therapist just fine.. i just don't get it. the no attachment thing is starting to drive me crazy.. i just have no feelings and feel so numb..

.. expressing my feelings is getting very hard.. i feel she has no need to know if i am hurt. . that i am trying to get her to hate me in the greatest way possible so she will give me to someone else. an she will not the more i seem to try n piss her off the more she seems to like me.. and i really want her to just be like ... "i don't think i can help you, i am going to give you to so and so" ughhhh

.. i don't think it will work, and i will feel bad if i quit seeing her and go to someone else i have been seeing her for a while and she thinks she is making progress with me,she says she does not think it would be beneficial for me to switch her

i don't know what i should do... i mean its hard for me to choose, i don't want her to feel like she is just no good enough because what if the next therapist is not good enough either , then i will have to start over again with someone i do not want.