when you can't cope with anything and everything just because your partner is gone for even just one bloody night.

when your mind is screaming and the utter turmoil and chaos drives you insane.

when you self harm or abuse substances/drugs to escape the insanity.

when you fear being abandoned so much that eventually your partner gets fed up of you going on and on about the same old thing, or requiring excessive reassurance every single day.

when you feel guilty for the above.

when you feel being alive is useless... you are nothing, you are pathetic, a shell of a shell, and you feel suicide is the only way out.

when you feel everyone would be better off without the constant and utter chaotic you.

when you blame yourself for everything because you've become accustomed to everyone else blaming you for everything.

when you care more about other people than yourself.

when you actually get so close to someone, you begin to "merge" with them.

when you begin copying others identities, their sense of style, their way of talking, their personality, everything... because you have no identity of your own.

when every second is utter torture.
for you, and those in your live.