thanks
well I have a female therapist. . about the male therapist thing I have had previous reltionships with them, and somehow I always end up hooking up with a male therapist whether its seeing them just in the agency when I am leaving a session or strating, to seeing them at a store or like the last time I was at the gas station pumping my gas when the one came up and started talking to me its happened twice to me... one of them actually was my case manager at one period of my life. the other was a psychiatrist at the agency I was going to. not mine but, a givin I did see him and I did run into him at the agency a couple of times. I have never seen a male therapist, and had sex with them when I was in there care.. the case manager it almost happened at the time he was my case manage it didn't almost 3 years later after I quit seeing him I hooked up with him... its complicated. I don't particualry like seeing males as my therapist because I know it would not be nothing but boundries being crossed.. and + i feel like men are not understanding of my issues because they r not a women (no offense to men)
fortunately i don't want this to happen again, but i find myself waiting to go into a session with my therapist and a male therapist walks by, they look at me and smile and i smile back.. i think "oh my do not do that, don't smile at me like that if you happen to see me somewhere or talk to me and start even feeling a little bit understanding i am probally going to sleep with you"... so its not really to do with therapy its more personal, and on there part its okay because they are not my therapist its okay.. i understand the case manager part, because he was my case manager.. but the other one was not. so it aside of therapy its more my preference to men in general.
i am trying to work this through therapy... i just feel like i am not expressing my emotions enough.. and i don't want too with her which is generating this depression and i feel like i have some kind of de-connection with people.. which probally is about my husband.. and i think sometimes its about my therapist which it is not... because i have no relationship with her.. i don't care about her in anyway. ughhhhhhh i stress myself out