I hate to admit this in public. I am a teacher for heaven's sake! I work with kids and are around them all the time, but I can't get over my boyfriend having a kid with someone else. I am fine when I just kinda pretend he doesn't exist, but then he pops up twice a year, or a phone call, or a nostalgic story, and I get into this funk. Let me give some background:

BF got girl pregnant when they were together and broke up before he found out about kid. They were young...like teens.

BF tried to do the right thing and date her after she told him, but it didn't work out. He wanted an abortion, she didn't.

BF has always paid child support even though he never wanted the kid in the first place.

BF sees kid twice a year, Christmas and a week in the summer.

Why I get into a funk:

All of his money goes to child support and he barely has any to date me with. (Let's be honest...child support should be called ex with a baby support.) I tend to pay for most things, but then again, I make more and have higher standards and finer tastes.

We've been together a year and he knows I want a child and he wants one with me, but I get a little jealous and upset because he is SO CAREFUL with me to not get me pregnant. I am on the pill, but if I forget to take it, sex stops.

I don't like the idea of his and another woman's genetic material running around that I have to be reminded of.

He didn't tell me about the kid until we were dating for five months. By that time, I had fallen for him...hard. I usually don't date guys with kids because of, well, the reasons I am listing.

My kid with him, if we have one, won't be special or exciting because it will be his second, and woo....second kid. I can say that...I was the second.

My funk is a state of crying, anger, and general distance from him. Yes, we've talked about it...pounded it into the ground. I am tired of talking and I want to change my reaction. He can't change the past, I know that, I have to accept it, but how? If I can't, I will leave him, but I love him and don't want to. I am trying to make it work. Any advice?