I'm now starting to wonder if this is just another way I attempt to "buy" friends. When I go out with others I always feel compelled to pay. Like ALL of the time. It's not very 50/50 and I'll even be in group settings where we're all expected to pitch in and I'll end up covering the whole tab. I think part of me is afraid of not contributing enough, another part of me really is trying to buy friends, and probably yet another part feels like I'm not worthy and I need to pay more than my share to feel equal.

I never really spelled all that out before. How sad