Your writing does not sound flat lined at all. You express lots of emotions. Unreturned love is so very hard to handle. My suggestion is to think about a love you may not have returned. Is there anyone who wanted your love but you did not feel the same in return? It sounds like you put your feelings out there without waiting for a signal from her that she felt similarly towards you. This can be frightening to another person. They don't expect a powerful advance. You must read other people and move slowly. It is a bit of a dance, but a dance which allows us to coexist gracefully with others and maintain our pride when feelings are not mutual. Give yourself time to heal, then open yourself up to finding a mutual loving relationship. I have had many crushes, felt the pain of unreturned love, felt the guilt for not returning another's love and finally found the joy in a mutually loving relationship. Only after finding this love did I realize how wrong the other people were for me. One sided love ultimately can only bring pain. Rejection is something we all must face. Just learn to move slowly and respect the right of others not to return your love and have faith that if you keep your heart open to finding the beauty in others, others will find your beauty as well. Closed doors keep out some pain but they trap the pain already inside while barring the entry of many wonderful new life experiencs.