saw the doc, got backer acted, got out, on constant supervision from family > though understandable... hate the system down here. it's inhumane. going to ask my t to revise the crisis plan to exclude these 2 providers... I know I have issues, but I don't go to the er and lie about why I am seeking help. I may not always be forthcoming with all info, but I do not outright make up a lie., The er is a last resort. If I'm going on my own, it's because there is a reason.
Doing better now, but in a weird state. Now I want to sh to prove something (that's the instinct - that I can still do it even if you say I can't...) but I will not, because I know it really won't prove anything, and it will not accomplish what I generally use it for: relief. I don't want to confuse myself further with that.
I'm kinda mad at my T's supervisor, though she explained why she said what she did... I also feel bad that my family ended up contacting her over the weekend, and that she was asked to call me at the facility. I don't like bothering people, and I feel like this whole weekend just bothered a bunch of people.
I will know better next time. I'll be a good little girl. The consequences are not worth the telling... and now my fractured trust in the local mh system has been totally pulverized. I'll keep seeing my T though. I know I am mad at the system, but I know I can't do any of this alone... So I'm just trapped in it all, much like I was over the weekend. I don't know who thought it was a good idea to isolate people in crisis for extended periods of time without even checking in on them outside of a video feed to the security office, but apparently it flies here... hurt and frustrated by that experience.
So for now, working on staying safe and getting sleep.