Hi. I am new to this site, and also pretty new to actually seeking help for my psych issues, though I have had them for as long as I can remember. I just started psychotherapy last week and am hopeful for a diagnosis and proper treatment.
I'm 34 and I am 6 months pregnant, and right now alot of my issues come from the fact that I am pregnant and having serious relationship issues.At least that seems to be what I'm focusing on and ruminating over. I have tried and tried to talk to my bf about worsening symptoms of depression. I have tried so hard to look for him for support...
I'm not good at admitting my problems, and when I tell him that I cry all the time when he's not here, that I have suicidal thoughts...he told me I'm a drama queen, rolls his eyes at me or just says "Oh, God" and turns his back to me. This pregnancy was planned even though we hadn't been together long, and we had a perfect relationship until about 2-3 months into the pregnancy. I feel like he has completely abandoned me. He doesn't participate in the pregnancy at all...he doesn't even really know how far along I am, he doesn't read anything about pregnancy or being a father...my best friend has been taking pictures of me every month to compare but he hasn't offered or asked to take even one. When I tell him I'm not happy and I want to break up he says, sarcastically "oh, yeah, right". He tells me all the time that nobody else will want me and nobody else will ever put up with me. He tells me I'll regret it because he won't come back and I'll never find anyone like him...but I don't even know what that is supposed to mean because I feel like I get nothing from him, ever. He's destroying my self-esteem and I find myself talking to ex bf's all the time, and sometimes strangers on dating sites, looking for some kind of validation. It's hard for me to make the distinction between what is actually happening in my relationship and what may just be thought alteration on my part. He tells me nothing is wrong and it's all in my head...he tells me I'm crazy...
I know some of it is pregnancy hormones and people say that you shouldn't make any life changing decisions while your pregnant, but sometimes leaving seems more like a life SAVING decision. He tells me he won't go to couples counseling bc he is not the one that needs it and if they tell him he's wrong he's just going to get up and leave anyways. I still can't help but feel like if he can't be here for me when I need him the most then he doesn't deserve to be here when I get better. Last night I realized when I went to my first therapy appt. that I put my best friend down as my emergency contact instead of him, and it made me sad...I told him that and he started yelling at me, telling me what a horrible thing that was to say to him and then walked across the room, while I was sitting there crying, and turned the TV on. I feel like he is emotionally abusive, but I don't know if these things really are just in my head. I know I have no insight into my relationship at all right now, and I am so, so confused about everything.