On a deeper level I wonder what your needing to pay might mean - on a more symbolic level?

The first thing that came to my mind was perhaps you are afraid you will be made to 'pay' - that she may retaliate because you showed you have needs - and paying her would protect you from her retaliation/abandonment? I wonder if it is because you are frightened because you were distressed and needed her - frightened of what she might do (and this might not yet be conscious)? It feels the money could be about needing to protect yourself?

Money and paying has such deep meaning for us all - it might be helpful to explore that with your therapist, rather than just see it on a logical level - as in paying for a service - that could actually be a defence against something much deeper and the potential for some very important and helpful work for you.

Moon