At first when I was falling ito a depression, I had always blamed it on my ex-boyfriend. He got thrills from putting me through the "Battered Wife Syndrome" although I was not married to him. I was with him 11 years. The tension would build up in him, then he would be in a rage sometimes for 3 weeks (mostly deflection and defensiveness due to me telling him he had hurt me).
I would analyze the cycles (after the rage we would be in the so called
"Honeymoon period" until his tension began to build up again. Bi-polars (this is textbook) CANNOT be with people who cause crazy-making behavior!
I have been out of that relationship for 31/2 years. I finally terminated it. Yes, certainly I still come across the triggers or the bumps in the road which still cause me to fall into an abyss, but now since I've read so much about triggers (a major issue for BP's; it is called the kindleing effect) like a fire just beginning to have sparks but turns into a full-blown fire. I'm going through a trigger which you can read under "My Guilt" and "Feeling sorry for myself." Dealing with the issue of relationships, I can see the red flags immediately so I'm not going to allow myself to be triggered by an abusive boyfriend. But surprisingly enough I'm still having triggers and my ex-boyfriend has the audacity to say "See, it wasn't me."
Right now triggers are that I almost couldn't be enrolled into a 500 level class at LBUCS and the black claw actually came into my brain. Now I'm fairly severely depressed which I mentioned on the above sites
Regarding being sick of the rollercoaster; I am too. But all I can do is analyze each ride down to prevent another one similar happening like it.
Maureen