Monalisasmile, I 100% get where you're coming from and I think a lot of people on this board struggle with this issue.

My t is very similar; encouraging contact and attachment. The other day she said "I think you're becoming dependent on me!" and I kind of freaked out.

Like you, I want to be able to meet my own needs. I am not comfortable relying on others. It has taken me a year to trust my t enough to get started in this process although as you well understand, it's probably been happening before, I just didn't want to admit it! My t allows contact out of sessions, and I have been FORCING myself to contact her one time a day, usually with a tiny little text. Sometimes it just says "hi" and she writes back with one or two words only.

I am forcing myself to do this but guess what, it is really, really helping. I am making great strides in trusting her, trusting myself, and understanding this concept of a "secure base" which allows us the ability to move forward on our own knowing that there's someone out there who really has our back. When I know my t is "there" I feel my anxiety decrease immediatly. I am now to the point where I can check in with a benign comment like "just saying hi!" even when I am having a rough time with all kinds of triggers, and even without telling her what's really going on, just one little response from her does wonders to help me. I am getting even better at saying "I'm having scary thoughts" or whatever, as well...so the check ins are helping in that sense, too.

That was a lot of verbiage to basically say I understand what you're going through, I've been there, I AM there, I fight against it 10 times a day, but I can also say that learning to reach out to her could really have a great impact on you. It sure is hard though!! Best of luck to you!