After reading posts in the NPD forum, I am inspired to share my story and current situation here. I moved far from my parents a long time ago, as soon as I was able really. I always new something was wrong and there was some sort of dysfunction and manipulation, but was too close to see clearly.

I have a strained relationship with my parents and don't visit often. I made an 8 hour drive to visit my grandmother (sick with cancer) last year. She lives a short distance from my parents but I avoided them because being around them sends shockwaves to my confidence and my perception of the world.

A few notes about my parents relationship... My mother enables my father to drink as much as he wants as "she can't deal with him when he is sober". Recently I found out that my father pushed my mother while they were arguing, he broke some of her favorite possessions, and his behavior was such that she had her bags packed ready to leave whenever she was worried enough for her safety, however she never left. Also, one day when my father was feeling ill, he called my grandmother (who is sick with cancer) to ask her that if anything were to happen to him he did not want her to tell me. This is nothing less than manipulative behavior.

I am about to make the trip to visit my grandmother yet again as she is losing weight and becoming weaker. My mother has started emailing me asking me to visit the house and I've told her it is not an option, and explaining that if she is with my grandmother I will visit with her, but I have no intention of visiting the house. To be frank, I do not think that my presence at the house where I grew up and having to be in the same room as my father would be good for noone. It is not that I intend to create drama, but I have no respect for the man, and I would not be able to shield the disdain from my face. When I told my mother I would not go to the house she tells me she is torn between my father and I, which is odd because I make it my policy not to ask anything of her.

When I refused to visit, the conversation spiraled out of control as she told me she wanted to jump off a bridge and most recently told me to "take care and have a great life".

In an unwise decision on my part, I vented to my family connections on Facebook about the "have a great life" comment. My aunt (father's sister) is infuriated by this and tells me that they are the best parents in the world and that I am rotten for saying anything like that. At first I feel like that little kid I once was, scolded for being inappreciative of all they've given me. But then I realize that this is how a dysfunctional family survives, by protecting the host that is the source of the problem.

I just wish I could stop these interactions from awakening that scared, confused little kid that I have tried to put to rest.

I worry about my trip to see my grandmother, but realize that if I don't go, I have let my parents win.