Following up on my previous thread "Lost Connection with T," I had my session today. After saying how much I've appreciated her help over the last 3 years, I told her that, lately, I've been feeling less connected to her than I usually do, that I didn't feel as "heard" as I usually do, and that I feel "stuck" and don't know how to proceed. To give her a specific example, I brought up how, last week, she made 3 separate comments about how she thought I felt "isolated" and, each time, I had to tell her "no, I don't feel that way." I told her that she is usually on the mark, but just the last 2 sessions, I felt differently. I told her I wanted that connection back and I want to get back on track with our therapy. I thought I was doing a good job by being honest and putting the issue on the table.

Well, it didn't go well. Her response felt very superficial. She said that she didn't remember making the comment more than once, and couldn't really recall what she had said. I told her exactly what she had said, and she said "yeah, I don't really remember that, but I'm sorry if I said that." She said that asking the same question 3 times "didn't really sound like her," so she's not sure what happened. She said she was sorry if that bothered me. It didn't feel like she was really addressing the issue. She brushed it off pretty quickly, and tried to change the subject. We talked about something else for a minute or two, and then that conversation just kind of fizzled. Then, there was a long, awkward silence. I told her that I felt frustrated, and that it bothered me that were having trouble communicating; it was never an issue before. She seemed like she kind of gave up, too. She wasn't asking me questions or trying to get to the root of the problem. It felt like she was just waiting for me to come up with another topic to discuss, but I didn't want to discuss other issues and leave the elephant in the room.

After awhile, I just said, well, there are other things I'm frustrated with right now, too. I told her about a friend who asks for emotional support a lot, says she's just broke up with her girlfriend, cries for an hour, and then, 2 days later, gets back with her girlfriend and then asks me to come over to hang out with both of them like it's all rainbows and sunshine. This happens about once a month, and it's emotionally exhausting. I've talked to T about this friend before, and it is something that bothers me a bit, but it wasn't my source of frustration in the moment. It is another instance of frustration, but really, I'm much more frustrated by the fact that T wasn't willing to "go deep" and talk about our therapy relationship and how I was not feeling heard by her. In fact, after hearing a little about my friend, T said "well, at least we're okay, right?" I was kind of shocked she said that because I did NOT think we were alright. I basically said "well, I'm glad we talked about it a little, but I'm still not feeling connected. I don't really know what to say or do or to work on that. What do you think?" She again offered nothing. She also didn't share if SHE felt less connected to me, or if SHE felt frustrated by our impasse. My experience was that she was kind of closed off, too.

We always end our sessions with a hug, but last week, I walked out without giving her a hug. I didn't feel like it. I was wondering if she was going to bring it up today, but she didn't (and I didn't either; it slipped my mind until the end). So, today, I again got up to walk out and she kind of gestured like she was ready to hug me, but I just walked out without giving her a hug again. That's really not like me. But I'm frustrated with her, and I don't want to hug her. I can bring that up next session, but I don't know that it will be any more productive than our session today.

Her way of trying to solve the impasse was to get me to find something from my childhood to work on, but I'm not having any issues connected to my childhood right now. I already talked about my FOO to death, brought my dad to a session, etc. I'm sure that my FOO stuff might get triggered again by something in the future but, right now, there is nothing to work on. Right now, my issue is in the present, and if I don't feel secure in my relationship with T, I'm not going to be able to do any good work.

Sigh. Not sure what to do now. Maybe I'll write her something, but I don't know what. I would NOT want to show her this post. If I wrote something, it would be much more gentle and pointed. I would have to find a way to approach her that she would really HEAR because she is not hearing me right now...