I find this very interesting as I've thought about my highs being defense mechanisms before. Sometimes in extreme distress or neurotic worrying, I sort of just let it all go. This would feel so good it was almost a sort of anxious "synthetic" hypomania, a kind of bliss resulting from mental blockage.

I've rapid cycled before from extreme lows to highs in seconds, but I've also had several month long episodes where I become more and more obsessed with a number of projects and come off as grandiose or even insane to anyone who will listen. I'm guessing this was mania or some form of temporary paranoia and delusional thinking

I think I may be a quiet borderline, but I'm not fully convinced that I'm bipolar, or at least not just bipolar.