Hey there Lady1158, I'm not sure what resources you have available to you, if you can see a therapist or counselor or what. It sounds like you're very isolated. I was first brought to this post because when I graduated highschool I had a very hard time with depression but not for the same reasons.

I'm not here for pity, but I see that you've had a hard time and that you want to overcome it, and talking about it helps you with that, which is wonderful! Taking time for yourself is probably one of the most important things you can do right now, trying to avoid your ex or situations that make you intensely uncomfortable, or situations where people are not listening to what you are saying about your comfort or need for boundaries. I think there are a lot of resources in your town, local library or bookstore, or even online that might help you should you look for them. I think things that talk about abuse, emotional and sexual, might help you. Things that talk about overcoming depression, or about coping with relationships might also help you figure out some things for yourself as well.

If writing things out really does help you, find a journal (with a lock if it makes you feel better) or maybe you have a smart-phone that has a lockable dairy app you can use to write out what you're thinking, and to write out resolutions to whatever you're struggling with.

Taking the time to rebuild friendships might be good for you to do too, if you feel that you can. One step at a time, take AS MUCH time as you feel you need. If someone makes you feel uncomfortable or reminds you of anything you've experienced before, take time away from them to sort out how you feel about it. Above all, take care of yourself. Do anything that makes you feel better, that's fun for you, or that you think is nurturing. There are a lot of resources out there about self-care and I have found after anxiety attacks, when dealing with depression, bad relationships, or addiction self-care is invaluable to giving you more of what you need to keep going.

It may take a long time to feel happy again, but you can always do a little bit of work each day to feel better than 'bad'. That's what will help you reach happiness again. It might seem like an uphill battle sometimes, but you seem like a very strong and courageous girl despite the mistakes you've made. Right now you're doing what is right for you. Keep reaching for what you want out of life, I'm cheering for you and I wish you all the best.