Hey. It went fine. I got a little bit lost on the way there (the bus diverted a little from the bus route) and the shops (which are supposed to be a landmark) are very inconspicuous indeed. The road he is on is a long road that loops around and I wasn't sure where along the road he was... I asked for directions and got sent off through the park (I think the park runs through the middle of the loop). I only had a minimalist bus map though... But I found it in time. He works from this house that has been converted into offices. I was freaking a little because I worried he might be working from home... I was checking to see whether there was a room out the back or something, but then I realised that it was converted so the lounge was reception and the bedrooms are offices.

It went okay. He is nice. I think that normally he doesn't start until 9am because we were the only people there when we started at 8am and I could hear other people arriving at around quarter to 9. It was a little bit freaky it just being the two of us there... But other people turn up, so I guess it is okay. He went with me to talk to the receptionist when we finished. Told her to book me in for 8am the following week and he said he would talk to her about how to bill me (because he is seeing me at a greatly reduced rate). I felt bad about the reduced rate, but I'm living on a really basic living stipend which is only really supposed to extend to basic needs and departmental social obligations. His talking to the receptionist means that it isn't like it is a secret that he is seeing me outside normal hours or or anything like that. He also said that we were doing things a little differently with respect to the billing but that it was important to do things by the book so he needs me to get a GP referral to him before I see him next week. Thats cool, I've made an appoitment to see a GP on Monday.

Sorry, this is probably heaps more than you wanted to know lol. I guess I was worried a bit about doing things by the book, though. He is seeing me for next to nothing, and the 8am time slot is outside normal working hours (though I get the impression it isn't *that* unusual and he really doesn't have any other available slots until next year at which point he will move me into those). And I freaked a little thinking he was working from home and it would normally be just the two of us... But I think it is okay.

The session went okay. We are still getting to know each other, I guess. We talked a bit about mindfulness exercises. One thing I never really thought of was the internal / external focus distinction. I guess I tended to do internally focused exercises with the focus on my breathing, but he said to maybe try and do external ones to help ground me in the world a bit more. Not homework, exactly, but a suggestion... He said that he doesn't think of them or call them alters that he liked to call them parts because they are parts of me... And I said that that was fine, that I thought of them as 'voices' but parts was okay too. So I guess we have an understanding on that.We talked a bit about some of the stuff I had read about DID too. He seemed interested in that. And he suggested DBT group for next year though I said I wasn't all that keen on that idea... And we talked about the voices a little bit. And I said that I wanted to get properly better so I don't hear the voices anymore and that I guess that means integration... But that I wanted them to go away too. I see the tension there... It is hard. I didn't say this but one of them thinks that getting better is about killing her. And I guess... That is what I want because I just want them to go away :-( But I guess it was a good session... Still getting to know each other. I think he is having a bit of a hard time with my mumbly accent which is funny because I don't even notice that he has one...

Yeah, ugh about the dreams... Ugh ugh ugh.