" I know that its going to be a constant in my life that I'm going to occasionally be reckless and then hate myself for it and be in pain forever."

I am so sorry you have been through all this. This one line ^ Why are you assuming you will always act and feel this way? Really, that isn't true. You deserve love happiness and joy in your life. I hope you can reach out for some help, a Therapist ... you need help processing all that has happened to you with these despicable men who have taken advantage of you.. You can move past this and not feel you will always suffer from bad decisions or just life in general.
Hugs~