On this forum [U]trust[U] seems to be a big issue for people (myself included)
and trusting therapists is something a lot of people are struggling with.

I'm trying to work out why i think i don't trust my therapist because since i voluntarily go back week after week and spill my guts to her and rely on her to help me i must on some level trust her. My fear of abandonment gets in the way, my fear of betrayal, my fear of being let down, my fear of rejection etc but what are these fears?
Realistically, she can't abandon me, i'm a grown woman and i don't need her for survival, if she does something wrong then yes i can feel rejected, she could betray me i suppose and at some time she probably will let me down because she's human. So as an adult there's actually not much she can do to me, because i'm responsible for myself and anything else is just feelings and feelings can't physically put you in danger.

So why the irrational overwhelming feeling that she has my life in her hands?
I wonder if what my fear actually is is the fear of dealing with loss, the fear of feeling anything negative? Maybe once learning how to contain my emotions, how to sit with pain, once i am confident in my ability to look after myself no matter what that she won't seem so powerful in my life? She won't have the perceived ability to annihilate me. Maybe once i trust myself trust won't be such a big issue? Maybe i'm mistaking fear of loss, fear of experiencing hurt as a trust issue because the fact that i turn up every week proves that trust comes naturally whether i want it to or not. Maybe i trust her but fear her.

Hope this makes sense, i'm just trying to pinpoint the trust issue.