The strong feelings of attachment are supposed to be based in transference.

When we are little we are nurtured in a way that we aren't nurtured in any real world relationship later in life... I mean... Think of how mothers nurture infants... they listen to anything the infant wants to babble about... they mirror their feelings (of excitement or happiness or whatever). They pick them up and cuddle them and soothe them and help distract them from the bad feelings...

Then we internalise that so that we have this self confident and happy self image and base conception of ourself and our world...

And then we can engage in reciprocal adult relationships where there is a bit of that (wow fascinating day at the office dear) but that each does it for the other and there is a give and take.

But sometimes when you don't get the infant (one sided) version then ones NEEDS for security and the like werne't really met and without that secure inner representation (and corresponding abililty to self soothe etc etc) we can sometimes be a bit demanding and unable to give as much as we would if we had that inner representation.

If both partners in a reciprocal relationship just want to be nurtured by the other (and neither has anything left to do the nurturing) then things can turn bad.

Therapy could give you some of that nurturing so you develop a secure representation so that you are in a better position to give and take appropriately in your real world relationships outside therapy.

So therapy isn't at all a replacement for reciprocal relationships (therapy is one sided and it is the two way relationships that are meant to be ultimately most satisfying)... But it is meant to help you achieve them better.

Make sense?

But your relationship with your t is different to any other relationship you have and will have outside therapy... And therapy relationships are most similar to... parent infant relationships.

Of course different peoples therapy runs differently... And I guess different therapists have different conceptions of what they are doing. Some would cringe from my characterisation of it... But I would think that your longing for your t is a lot like how you would have longed for your parents to pay you adequate attention... And he DOES listen where they probably did not etc.

So in a way I guess therapy is different from those other relationships. But like you were saying, you love your husband a whole bunch (your t isn't a replacement for your husband AT ALL). But... Because you have a more equal relationship with your husband and your husband has his own issues your relationship with your husband is give and take. Your relationship with your t is where you can be nurtured in a way your husband can't nurture you (without hurting your relationship) but ultimately... It should lead to your having a better more satisfying richer relationship with your husband.

I think...

I think that is how it is supposed to go.