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Originally Posted by RoseBee
The reason he didn't want the child is because they were both teenagers and he wasn't ready for one. He told her that and offered to pay for the abortion, but she didn't have one because it wasn't in her value system. I can appreciate that and agree with that because it's her right. That's why he tells me he didn't want the kid is because he didn't. He's just trying to do right by his kiddo by paying child support and seeing him twice a year. He calls it making the best of a bad situation. His kid is 10 btw.
He told me last night in another discussion about it (Every time I think about it and get into a mood he wants to talk about it rather than leave me alone to deal with it.) that he wants to do it right with me: Be married (which is a requirement from me to go off my birth control), have a house, and wants me to be working on my dissertation so most of my graduate courses are done.
I understand that when it comes up it hurts less and less, but do you ever have those days where it's just kinda there in huge neon lights and you feel so stuck, or depressed, or.. I don't even know what to name the emotion, really?
Thank you for your viewpoint, it actually gave me a lot to think about. I hope your situation gets better and you find your way in dealing with it.
I have met the kid, and he's a good kid. I just kinda treated him like one of my students and all was well with that end of it. I just don't like that he has a kid with someone else, so that was in my face, all 3 days he was here. He's coming back for a week in July, so I am trying to deal with this in a proper way so I can actually be fun and happy with him and my bf rather than just fake my way through it by going into teacher mode, then when my bf and I go to bed at night cry myself to sleep because it hurts.
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Your BF is right when he wants to talk it out. If you keep the feelings in , it's going to eat you away. I had many discussions with my BF about the same things over and over, each time he was reassuring me and that made it become easier and easier. I remember I used to sneak into his facebook account a lot to look at his ex page to see if she put any pictures up of his kid, to see if he looked like my bf or not. Now, I probably do it once every two-three months, usually when i get in a funky mood.
And yes sometimes i do get in a really bad mood about it all day. It's uncomfortable and I try to push my BF away. In the end we talk and it gets a bit better but at least he doesn't feel rejected. Your BF seems very understanding and patient. I think that it would make you feel better to talk to him about it as soon as you have something brewing in your head. Of course you should also warn him first!
That's what I did with mine anyway, told him that i would probably annoy him beyond reason but talking would help me and he agreed (he did get annoyed quite a bit, but he's a good sport)
I have never met my BF kid and I'm dreading to. I'm sure that it will be very awkward at first. The best advice I can come up with is that even if your BF didn't want this kid, he is still a part of him. In a way it's like those things that maybe make you mad when your BF does them but if they weren't there wouldn't make your BF who he is. So if you open up and try to accomodate, it will probably make your BF so happy that it would repay all the bad feelings you have. And maybe one day you'll just come to love the kid