It doesn't sound like this is the right situation for you. It also doesn't sound as though either you or your BF are in the right mindset to settle down and have children yourselves. It sounds like both of you are too focused on yourselves to be ready to put children first. It's okay to be young and a little selfish; it just means you aren't ready to have kids yet. If your feelings in this situation are about how your BF's kid impacts YOU and how the child support money impacts YOU, it just screams to me that you aren't ready to be thinking like a parent. Hearing your views about this kid, I just don't think you're the right fit for your BF and his kid (his family).

When I hear this situation, my heart just aches for the poor kid who's caught in the middle. He is here because BOTH of his parents made the decision to have sex without protection when they were not ready to be parents. He is not hear because his mom didn't get an abortion; he's here because BOTH of his parents decided that they were willing to have sex without protection and take the risk of becoming pregnant. However, once he was born, his mom stepped up and his dad didn't. If his dad doesn't even really want him and only sees him twice a year, OUCH. That kid is never going to have a fair shake at life, because of his dad's absence and emotional neglect. If this isn't what troubles you, I would be concerned about you even considering to have children with this guy. Moreover, since your concern is really about you-- and not your future children-- it just doesn't sound like either of you are ready. It's much better to realize that BEFORE you decide to have children. It also sounds like you are someone who should probably never be a step-parent. Step-parents can do a lot of harm to their step-children through emotional neglect/anger, and I really would not want this poor kid to have to be hurt by his father, and then hurt again by you, when he does come to visit. Even if it is unspoken, kids can absolutely tell when they are not wanted or loved, even if you're putting on that "smile" that you use with your students. Kids are just smarter than that.

I can also speak from experience. I've seriously dated 2 people with kids, and I have fallen in love with each and every kid (4 total). When you really love someone, you recognize that their kid is an extension of them; a combination of all of their best parts. You don't look at the kid as "genetic material" or "child support"; the kid is a beautiful, wonderful person who you are blessed to have in your life. If you don't feel that way about your BF's kid, you probably shouldn't be a part of your BF's family.

Think of how tragic it would be, too, if you had kids and then you felt this way about your child's own brother? Imagine how differently you would treat your own child, and that child, when they were together? How would you feel about your child's relationship with their brother? I just see disaster written all over this. Children see how their siblings are treated differently, and you can do so much harm that way.

Moreover, it doesn't sound as if you understand just how much money it costs to support a child, especially a 10-year-old. The amount most people pay in child-support doesn't even cover a fraction of the actual cost of supporting the child. Think about food, clothing, doctors, dentists, school expenses, toys, activities (movies, amusement park, etc), sports teams, lessons, gas to drive the child to lessons, vacations, etc. Children are EXPENSIVE! People who don't have children tend to grossly underestimate these costs and think that the mom is just "scamming" the money, which is not true the vast majority of the time. Courts do not order people to pay child support that is unaffordable or unnecessary (with the possible exception of the very wealthy; celebrity divorces can be unnecessarily pricey, but unless your BF makes that kind of money, that's not an issue).

Aside from the issue with your BF and his kid, I think you need to deal with your own emotions about being the second kid in your family and feeling unwanted by your own parents. It seems that you have a lot of hurt around that issue. If you ever plan on having more than one kid yourself, I think you need to deal with this FIRST. How horrible would it be to bring 2 children into the world if you feel that the second child will never be as special as the first? When parents think that way, it is incredibly damaging for the child.