I'm not sure if there is really going to be a question here, or if it is going to be me yammering on about stuff. I just feel like I need to share my feelings.

Today I had my second last session with my T. I have known her for about 5 years, and done therapy with her for 3.5 of those. She has been an incredible presence in my life for all of that time, and has helped me more than I can even begin to describe. She has also inspired me in many ways, mostly just by being herself. She's an incredible woman (not perfect, by any means, but pretty great) and I feel so incredibly lucky to have met her.

I'm going to miss her a lot.

We have decided we are going to keep in touch with each other once therapy ends. It was a hard decision to make, because we both knew that if we wanted to stay in touch and transition our relationship to some form of friendship, that we would have to end the therapy part completely; I will never be able to see her in a professional capacity again. As happy as I am to be able to continue to have her as part of my life in a more casual way, I must admit I am grieving a bit for the loss of that therapy relationship. I will no longer have someone I can talk to about almost anything, I will no longer have someone to turn to for advice when things get really rough, and I will no longer have that "safety net" of support to go to when there is nothing else. I am also really going to miss seeing her - we decided to stay in touch via email for various reasons, but I am going to miss physically being in the same room. I thrive on non-verbal communications, so exclusive written contact will definitely be hard for me. But I am super grateful to be able to stay in touch at all. And, like she has said, we never really know what might happen.

Anyway, all of this to say that I'm really sad therapy is ending, I'm really going to miss the relationship we had, and I am both happy about being able to transition into a "friendship" and terrified by the uncertainty and risks that are involved. Why is this stuff so complicated?