no one will wag their fingers at you. we've all experienced periods in our lives where we felt we had no place to turn and felt as you do.

can you re-open your relationship with your closest friend? you really, really need some IRL support right now. even if you have to call the friend and really open up and carry your share of the blame, it would be worth it to have someone in your life now.

i am so sorry that you're having so much trouble with the children and i am sorry that they are feeling as they are. do you have family anywhere near you that might be able to help you with the children?

keep posting. people here are supportive and the more you post,
the more support you will get.

hang in there, we're here.

xoxoxo pat