I'm afraid of dependency too. I don't think I ever attached particularly to my Mother, but I surely attached to my Father, and then he left when I was 7. I'm fairly frightened of attachment now. I'm especially terrified of dependency. It can feel really vulnerable and exposed and powerless to depend on someone especially when one has had experience with people betraying your trust and / or leaving.

The self critical thing can be hard... Sometimes our inner critic is trying to protect us from being vulnerable, though. It is trying to save us from more hurt later.

I know it is really hard... But working through some of the fears of dependency can really help with respect to generalising that back to outside therapy relationships...

Could you talk to her about how you feel about feeling dependent?