Quote:
Originally Posted by ultramar
Monalisasmile- I think you underestimate the power a therapist can have over us if they reject us but of course we have to give them that power in the first place. i don't underestimate the power a therapist has, but the point for me is that they only have that power because of our issues with attachment and abuse/neglect etc if we didn't have those spaces in our development then a therapist couldn't hold such power or risk.
This is such an important point, Asiablue. It's a reminder that we have agency, we're not at someone's (a therapist's or anyone else's) mercy. At least not -generally speaking- as adults, and you're making important distinctions between child and adult in your explorations here. The work is in resolving the attachment issues within the relationship, but this doesn't have to equate to giving up your-self, your agency, the strength that's there to both celebrate the triumphs in therapy and sit with the pain of therapy, without denying/destroying the triumphs in the process.
|
I feel like the problem is that to resolve the developmental ruptures, you kinda need to get into that child space again, allow that child part of you to be seen in order to allow the therapist to resolve the ruptures that took place. And while in that child ego state it is very easy to feel like your therapist has the power to help you survive or to annihilate you.
If you were never taught how to tolerate your emotions then it's very easy to become lost in them, terrified by them, shamed by them and to feel like they threaten your very existence. And it's fine to experience all that in the safety of the therapy room but after that one hour you have to somehow put yourself back in to your Adult ego state and join real life again and worse than that, you have to try an put your child-ego back in a box for another week. Which for me is like abandonment all over again. And every minute of the 168hours i need to wait till i see my therapist again is a minute of abject fear and grief and shame and utter turbulance because i never learned how to tolerate being seen or being kind to myself, or to accept my own anger or sadness. So how do you deal with all those emotions when you don't have the tools yet?