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Originally Posted by feralkittymom
Yeah, it gets better. I found it seemed easier when I could let it happen, nasty as that is. And it lessened in frequency as the years went by, but it would still happen about 5 years in. After that, it only happened very occasionally, and only if I was blindsided by something, usually in the environment: like a new room, or hearing someone walking past the door outside. And it could feel intense, but it wasn't as deep, somehow.
You know I experienced the same spatial "shifting" of the room; and I didn't usually cry, but would sometimes shake and have no awareness of it.
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Letting it happen seems impossible. I do it on purpose before court or things I know I need to have no emotion to deal with. It happens spontaneously in emergencies. I am not sure going all cold and analytical will serve me in therapy, and I am uncertain about what will happen when dissociating under that particular stress and in front of him. I can be really cold and unpleasant in that mode.
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Originally Posted by Willowleaf
When I first started therapy I would do it all the time and usually for most of the session. In the end she encouraged me to really go into it and she taught me skills to ground myself so I could get out of it easier. I still do it now and she sometimes says to go with it and not fight it so much and wants to explore what exactly triggered it.
I know just what you mean about the whispering the need to stop. Mine is very good and stopping as soon as I get like that, and she rarely asks me how old I feel anymore as my responses can be a little rude.
Anyway I think what I am trying to tell you is that yes it is definitely getting better but that it has taken a lot of work to get it more under control. I wish you luck, I know it can be a tough place to be in, but remember it is a skill you have developed to keep you safe and help you manage some pretty awful stuff. It's not all bad.
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He didn't ask me what age I felt. I think I would have lost all control and just raged or cringed or something. He asked me what age I AM right now - to try to get me back to the present.
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Originally Posted by Bipolarartist
Is this what it is when the room goes all dark and tunnel-like and my T feels like he's moving away from me? Usually I feel 'spacey' and T identified that as dissociation.
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Yep. That's how it is sometimes for me. The edges of my vision go dark and all I can see is the "threat" and the need for distance from the "threat." This time it was not like that. More of the room sliding to one side and my face went numb, and various weirdness like that.
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Originally Posted by WikidPissah
XT had this way of pulling me back when that happened. He'd ask stupid questions..
"what color is my shirt" "what color is the carpet" etc. Instruct me to "feel my feet on the floor". When I was in the trauma program last year, they kept oranges in the freezer to hold onto when we were "wobbly". That was awesome, you could feel them and smell them and they would really ground you well. I always wished I could have a t keep one in a freezer for me. Do you think your T would do that? Maybe bring him an orange? Seriously, I can't recommend it enough.
I don't know if it gets better. It sure comes in handy when I am stressed and by myself, not so much when your trying to function though. Sorry you went thru that torture.
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My T asked my age, as I mentioned. Once he told me what day it was and asked me to repeat it. Which was weird because in my head, I absolutely KNEW that it was Friday. It really was Tuesday, but in my head, it was absolutely, positively a Friday.
The orange idea is a good one. I may have to try that. Thanks for the suggestion.
