Quote:
Originally Posted by jkbob
I'm now starting to wonder if this is just another way I attempt to "buy" friends. When I go out with others I always feel compelled to pay. Like ALL of the time. It's not very 50/50 and I'll even be in group settings where we're all expected to pitch in and I'll end up covering the whole tab. I think part of me is afraid of not contributing enough, another part of me really is trying to buy friends, and probably yet another part feels like I'm not worthy and I need to pay more than my share to feel equal.
I never really spelled all that out before. How sad  |
I think what you said is probably very true for you. It sounds like you doubt your value if you don't pay. That your friends really wouldn't BE friends if you didn't.
I doubt that. I think the friends that you have don't value you because you cover more of the check, but because you're who you are. You're already displaying generosity which is a wonderful trait to be around.
If it is about your view of your self image, or your insecurity, which I think it is, then you find and work on that in therapy and you probably won't feel so compeled to pay for friendship.
Life long habits are a hard thing to undo, however. When you feel more self assured, you should check that you're offering and demanding more equal relationships with friends, and you don't have to be shy in doing so.
Just my 2c.
