Hello you have the right to mourn the loss of your child, to the adoptive parents, and be angry as well. But I feel that you do not have the right to measure your life by what happened in the past. I had a child murdered 23 years ago, I still mourn for my child, but I have had to go on, because it was something I could not change. Today I run 2 support groups, and do a lot of volunteer work in the community, because I know deeop down that I would want my children to be proud that they had a mother that cared for children, and the welfare of children. Possibly redirecting the hatred and hurt to something positive would help, you gave your child to parents that wanted children, and helped you by giving your child the right to have 2 parents. You did not abandon your child you gave your child parents, and anyone that feels that you are not a mother is wrong. You will always be a mother because you had the child yourself, and had the courage to keep the child and give it to parents that care, instead of aborting the child. You can not people that are wrong lead you to believe that you are a bad person, for making the right decision for you and your child years ago. It is hard not to feel bad around the holidays and birthdays but hopefully you can one day see the positive in what you did one day. I hope the best for you take care sincerely Soidhonia.